Yesterday, I was able to take my Dad to the ground-breaking ceremony for the new Veteran's Memorial which will be built at Chicano Park under the San Diego - Coronado Bay Bridge in the Logan Heights neighborhood in San Diego. My uncle Juan Manuel (former Marine)was the Master of ceremonies for the outdoor ceremony which was attended by more that 100 people. Even though the monument is being built at Chicano Park, the monument is intended for all veterans from the neighborhood; it was great to see Anglos, Filipinos, African-Americans an (obviously) a lot of Hispanics at the ceremony.
Moreover, there were people from multiple generations, from seniors to teenagers; from active military to retired World War Two, Korea, Vietnam, Desert Storm and Iraqi vets.
I was able to seat my father in the front row next to all of the dignitaries and elected officials. It was so funny to see all these important people come and greet my father assuming that he too was some dignitary. And, of course, in my eyes he is. Even the commanding Marine General for the San Diego Recruiting center came up and shook my dad's hand with great respect. It was fabulous!
And when an attending congress-woman gave her speech then asked for all attending military veterans to stand up for a public acknowledgement of their service to their country, my father stood up with great pride. It made his day. And it made me cry with even more pride. My Dad served in the Korea conflict.
More later, I have to take my pop to his doctor --- Later allegators.
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3 comments:
Ricardo, I saw the PBS show on your father and you last week and jotted down your web address on a little piece of paper which ended up on the bottom of my purse. I just discovered it tonight. I moved in with my mother, Miriam 86, exactly one year ago. Her Alzheimer's has been a slow process. At first we didn't recognize it, even when my father would call me and tell me something was really wrong with her; I thought he was exagerating. He died 3 years ago at 93 (as sound minded as ever) and it was then that I began to understand what he was trying to tell me. My mother is still functional, like your father, to a point. Her short-term memory and decision making days are gone. But she will still sit and work a crossword puzzle. She was always very independent, but that has turned to stubborness and distain for me as her caregiver. I walk the fine line of "treating her like a child" or "being a terrible daughter." Of course, these are things she would never have thought or acted out without this disease. I still work parttime and she watches tv with her dog, or goes to the clubhouse in her mobilehome park to play scrabble or bunko. I've observed her playing scrabble--the other players are very patient with her! I have a lady who drives her to the store or beauty shop but that was a battle--she wanted me to do it all. But she got angry if I made an appointment for her. And she enjoys going to church and lunch with a friend who still drives. My brother and I had her license revoked 2 years ago after she got stuck in a dry riverbottom. But even with this support system, I ofter react when I should step back, keep quiet and disengage. This has been the hardest thing for me. So when I watched the show about you and your father I felt ashamed that I wasn't always more patient with her. You seemed so in tune with his condition and under emotional control. Then you commented that you wished you could always react the right way and probably struggle with it at times also. That was a thought and feeling I can identify with! It is a daily effort to conform to the disease in such a way that satisfies us both, to some extent. I read The 36 Hour Day, an excellent book on Alzheimer's which help me to understand the disease better and to rethink my behaviour when challenged by my mother's disease. Anyway I just wanted to thank you for the documentary. Just knowing other good sons and daughters are also struggling with this type of situation somehow helps. I will check in on your website to follow your "adventures" and the comments of others. Take Care. Jo
Jo:
Thank you for your very kind comments. And I encourage you to keep up the good fight. Moreover, it is only human to sometimes over-react for it is a very, very sad thing to see one's parent slowly die in front you on a day by day basis. May GOD bless you for your efforts.
dear Ricardo,
i too saw the PBS special on Alzheimer's but i saw it tonite way up here in the south bay of LA. i returned this week from Japan where i stayed for three weeks with a dear Friend and her dear Parents. the Father is in the early stages of Alzheimer's. it is sad to see up close and personal as met him 5 years ago when he was sharp. listening to you talk about your Father reminded me so much of my friend's Father. he loves to sing enka (traditional Japanese folk-type songs) but he cannot remember which order to put his clothes on.
and he needs help at bath time. and was his medication.
he loves to talk about...General Douglas MacArthur
or at least when i am there...perhaps because i am the only one who listen, over and over and over again (and in Japanese which i cannot fully understand especially military terms). but, i listen.
and remind him of MacArthur's name when he can't remember. one night while i was there, he came into the room where i sleep with a flashlight because he thought he heard a noise in the house. i know he is dreaming but there are some tense moments while he searches his memory for who i am. and why this American is sleeping in his house. he is 81. lately he has been talking to himself more and more. and in his sleep which causes his wife to sleep very poorly.
i just wrote to my friend (his daughter) and told her about you and your Father. she is an only child and it is her responsibility to take care of her Parents. her Mother is 76 and the stress of taking care of her husband of 51 years is affecting her health. i know they were sad to see me goes as i seem to have a calming effect on the Father and/or at least an interesting distraction from their normal life while i am there. i think that was about my 20th visit to their home and i will return in the spring for the cherry blossoms. my Friend and her Mother are counting the days. what makes it tougher on my friend is that she still has to leave the house 4 days a week for work. i hope the Father will still remember me. at times he has forgotten who his wife is. and that he has a daughter. i am closer to this Family than to my own. i do not know how you do it but i am thankful to know there are people like you who do. i will look thru your past blogs for help/advice i can give to my friend. Japan does not seem to have such a Alzheimer's support system (or at least none that my friend has found).
thanks again for all you do for your Father and for writing about your experiences.
kevin
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